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| #1 |
 Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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A lady walked into a tattooing shop to get some tattoos.
First, she instructed the man to put a turkey on her right thigh and write below it "Happy Thanksgiving".
So he did.
Next, she told him to tattoo Santa and "Merry Christmas" on her left thigh.
The man finished, wondering what the tattoos could possibly mean.
So as the lady was getting dressed.
He asked her "Mam, not to pry, but why did you want such unusual tattoos?"
The lady replied "I'm sick of my husband complaining that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!!"
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #2 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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A lady walked into a tattooing shop to get some tattoos.
First, she instructed the man to put a turkey on her right thigh and write below it "Happy Thanksgiving".
So he did.
Next, she told him to tattoo Santa and "Merry Christmas" on her left thigh.
The man finished, wondering what the tattoos could possibly mean.
So as the lady was getting dressed.
He asked her "Mam, not to pry, but why did you want such unusual tattoos?"
The lady replied "I'm sick of my husband complaining that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!!"
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #3 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it.
Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.
Beware of...
THE ALGORE Virus.... (Causes your computer to just keep counting and counting)
THE CLINTON Virus.... (Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus... (Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY virus... (Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did)
THE RONALD REAGAN virus.... (Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
THE MIKE TYSON virus.... (Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY virus.... (Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200mb)
THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus... (Deletes all old files)
THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus... (Disks can no longer be inserted)
THE PROZAC virus... (Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus... (Only attacks minor files)
THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus... (Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)
THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through window)
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #4 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York. During the meal service, he accidentally knocked the spoon off to the aisle with his elbow.
The flight attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket and placed it on his tray table.
The man was very impressed by the promptness of the service and asked, "Do all flight attendants carry a spoon in their pockets?"
The flight attendant answered, "We had an efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He determined that 25% of the customers knock the spoon off their tray tables.
By carrying a spare spoon, we all save trips to the galley and can be much more efficient."
Later, as the flight attendant is picking his dirty tray up, the customer asked, "Excuse me for asking but why do you have a string hanging from your fly?"
The flight attendant replied, "The efficiency expert determined that we were spending too much time washing our hands after we went to the bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to our penises."
The customer looked confused. "How does that help?" he asked.
"Well, when I go to the bathroom I just use the string. Since I never touched myself I don't need to wash my hands."
The customer nodded and asked, "But how do you get it back in your pants?"
The flight attendant smiled, "I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #5 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #6 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Q: How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A: It's not hard.
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #7 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A: The grip.
ID : 4
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #8 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Q: What happened to Jesus when he went to Mount Olive?
A: Popeye kicked the shit out of him...
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #9 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Teaching A Buncha Hooligans
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"
"I just saw one of your garters!"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"
"I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.
"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
_______________________________________
) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #10 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Fish Market
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #11 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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omedy Central's Alleged Humor
Every Time A Bell Rings, An Angel...
* Spit-polishes his halo
* Buys a maxi-pad with wings
* Drops out of a so-called "Choir of Angels" because that's really just a place for a bunch of diva show-offs to shine sunbeams up God's butt
* Orders a plate of "Hades Hot" Buffalo wings
* Drinks a little too much of Junior's blood and falls off a cloud
* Listens to Paul McCartney sing with his band "Wings"
* Takes a heavenly crap
* Decides to reveal the Lord's majesty to the masses by appearing on some aluminum siding in east Texas
* Obeys his Pavlovian conditioning, and barks like a dog
* Sits down for dinner
* Prank calls the miserable whiners in Hell
* Gets his union card
* Takes the fruitcake out of the oven
* Gets his wings ripped from his back, so they can be given to a more angelic and deserving angel
* Tells a mortal, "Oh c'mon, jump already! I don't got all day!"
_______________________________________
) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #12 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Nutty Hunters
Two men went hunting. Joe had been hunting all his life, but Steve was hunting for the first time. Joe told Steve to sit down and not make a sound. So he did.
But when Joe got 100 yards away, he heard a scream. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" he said.
"Well, I was when the snake bit me," said Steve. "And I was when the bear attacked me... but when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat them or take them with us,' I screamed."
_______________________________________
) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #13 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Bar: Tabletop Football
There was a guy, who was the most buff guy, and his girlfriend were at a bar and she just dumped him. So she left the bar leaving him upset and alone.
About ten minutes later when he was sipping his beer, a gay guy came up and sat next to him and said, ''Hey guy, how's it hangin'?'' The buff guy looked up at him and yelled, ''GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! MY GIRLFRIEND JUST LEFT ME AND I DON'T NEED SOME HOMOSEXUAL SCREWIN' AROUND WITH MY MIND!!!''
The gay man looked suprised and said, ''Hey I was just wondering if you wanted to play tabletop football?'' The buff guy answered with another question, '' How do you play that?'' The gay guy replied, '' It's rather simple, we each get slid a beer, one at a time we chug it, and if you belch you get a point, and if you fart, you get the extra point. Ready...'' He then said to the bartender, ''Slide me one!''
The gay guy started chugging the beer and then belched, then started trying to fart as hard as he could and he clenched his teeth when finally a little weenie fart popped out. '' Extra point!!'' The buff guy just stared at him and said, ''Slide me a beer!''
The bartender slid him one and he chugged it. He then belched a huge belch, then he started trying to fart, when the gay guy ran up to him pulled his pants out, whipped out his prick and shoved it up the buff guy's ass and yelled, ''BLOCK THAT KICK!! BLOCK THAT KICK!!''
_______________________________________
) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #14 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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The Doctor's Convention
There's a bunch of doctors gathered together at a doctor's convention one night. A male doctor notices a female doctor from across the room. The female doctor notices also and the next thing you know, they're sitting next to each other by the end of dinner.
After dinner, the male asks the woman if she wants to go up to his hotel room.
''Sure,'' the woman says. ''Let me go wash my hands first.''
After she washes her hands, they have sex. After they are finished, she washes her hands again.
This is really starting to annoy the male doctor so he says, ''You know, you must be a surgeon, because you keep washing your hands.''
Angry at this remark, the woman says, ''Well, you must be an anasthesiologist, because I didn't feel a thing!''
_______________________________________
) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #15 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Seek and Ye Shall Find...
On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver's ear.
She said, ''Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!'' The driver didn't think much of her complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.
Later, that same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, ''Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!'' This time, he figured he'd better look into it.
A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to find out if they knew what was going on.
He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor beneath the seats and stooped down to question him. ''Excuse me sir, could I help you?''
The elderly man looked up and said, ''Well, sonny you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it..."
The man continued, "I thought I'd located it twice, but they were parted in the middle, and mine is parted on the side!''
_______________________________________
) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #16 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Two Sperm
Two sperm are walking down the street. How do you know which one is happy?
It's the one with egg on its face!
_______________________________________
) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #17 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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After the Honeymoon...
A couple has returned from their honeymoon and it was obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what's wrong.
"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"
The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though: She gave me $20 change!''
_______________________________________
) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #18 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Shave and a Hair Cut
A man is away on business, at a convention for marvellous machines. He found a long corridor lined with machines and decided to try a few. The first he came to was called ''The Wonder Cut''. He inserted his money and did as he was told to do by the instructions. He lay back in the chair and after a few minutes the machine stopped and he hopped out of the chair, with the best hair cut he had ever had.
Further down the corridor he came to a machine that said, 'For the best shave every insert here'', so he inserted his money in and place his face in the slot. And sure enough his face had the best shave he had ever had.
He walked on down the corridor until he came to the last machine. It said ''for the man who has been away from his wife for a long time and is in dire need.. The rest of the words were rubbed of but he got the general idea. He made sure no one was looking and inserted his money, undid his fly and placed his ''thing'' in the hole. The machine rumbled and after a few minutes of extreme pain he withdrew his thing from the hole with a new shiny button neatly sewed on the end.
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #19 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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What Didja Learn?
A southern girl returned home after a summer with her grandparents in Ohio. Her friends asked her what she learned on her trip.
"Well, they have these men up there who like other men."
"Ooh. What are they called?"
"They call them gay."
"What else did you learn?"
"Well, they have these women who like other women."
"Ooh. What are they called?"
"They call them lesbians."
"Did you learn anything else?"
"Yes. They have these men who lick women in their most private parts."
"Ooh. What do they call them?"
"I don't know, but when he was done, I called him 'Precious.'"
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #20 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Ten Cents
A married couple both lost their jobs at the broom factory, and were having a hard time finding new jobs. Unfortunately, their mounting credit card debt required some immediate income. The wife suggested that she could whore herself out, but her husband was a little less than thrilled about the prospect. But financial necessities got the best of her, and she went behind her husband's back to go whoring. She came back one night with a huge wad of cash, and fessed up to her hubby. He was upset, but asked how much she made.
"$398.10," she said.
"Who paid ten cents?" he asked.
"Everybody."
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #21 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Midgets and Tampons
Do you know why midgets don't wear tampons?
They trip over the string.
_______________________________________
) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #22 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Beer Translations
1. "You get this round and the next round is on me." I''ll be leaving before the next round.
2. "I''ll get this round and the next one is on you." Happy hour is about to end. Beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they''ll be $3.50.
3. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?" I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.
4. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female) I''m easy.
5. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male) I''m gay.
6. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female) I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.
7. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male) If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I''ll do to you on the ride home?
8. "I don''t feel well, let''s go home." (female) You are paying more attention to your friends than me.
9. I don''t feel well, let''s go home." (male) I''m horny.
10. "Who''s got the next round?" I haven''t bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #23 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Birds and Bees
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
�Mother, where do babies come from?�
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, �Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.�
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, �That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy�s vagina. That�s how you get a baby, honey.� The child seems to comprehend.
�Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy�s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?�
�Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.�
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #24 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Dead Pussy
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.
_______________________________________
) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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| #25 |
Anime KingHell Angeled BoyDin: All The Worlds
Postari: 73716
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Perfect Day
The Perfect Day - Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
The Perfect Day - Him
6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and massage.
7:30 Blowjob.
7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 Blowjob.
12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 Shit, shower, shave.
8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob. Sleep
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) AM THE GOD OF THE Worlds and ) ruel the Kingdoms
I kill because I love it
King Kills
And so does Mr. President
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